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The Four 'Ps' of Fatherhood Help us Lord to be so connected to you that we might become the servants of others. Take our lips and speak through them, our minds and think through them, and take our hearts, and set them on fire. A four-year-old child to a friend: My daddy can do everything… That same child at the age of seven: My daddy knows a lot…a whole lot… At age eight: My father doesn’t know anything…. Age 14: Father, he’s hopelessly old fashioned… The same child, at age 21, Dad is completely out of date…. Age 25: Dad, he knows a little about things… At age 35: Before we decide, let’s get Dad’s opinion first! Age 50: What would Dad have thought about that? At age 60: My Dad knew literally everything… Age 65: I wish I could talk it over with Dad just once more… Does the above sound familiar? One of the things every one of us has in common this morning is one simple thought -- we all have fathers. For some of you, you still have the joy of an earthly father, for others, all you have are the memories. One of the first memories I have of my Dad was being at our summer house in Maine. We were building a cottage on Lake Bunga-nut…in the tiny town of Alfred, Maine. I remember the smell of the fresh wood, the bare timber, and my father and I walking through. I even remember what my father was wearing…white pants, and an alligator shirt…all the rage in the 70’s. I remember what he said on that day… “Son, we make a great team, don’t we?” I remember the painful times…the day he fell of the roof at our house in Maine. I remember the time that by accident, he put his hand through a window in the Rectory in Boston. I remember him going through the agony of divorce. How about your father? What made, what makes, him tick? What were the passions? The strengths and weaknesses, the What do you wish he would have done differently? This past week, The Today Show described three types of fathers: The Caveman Father….
(This stage reminds me of Teddy Roosevelt who once said about his 16-year-old daughter…”I can either be President of the United States or I can control Alice. I cannot do both!”) The New Breed Father….
The Hybrid -- that father desperately is going back and forth between cave-man and new breed…trying to be at every event while managing his business…yes, some diapers, but the cell phone is always at his side… Dads here today…what category are you? And, believe me, I’m preaching to myself here as I struggle daily with that tension….between diapers and # 3 Chevy Chase Circle! Many of you may not know this, but the Rev. John Yates, in addition to being the Rector of the Falls Church in Virginia, is also an accomplished author and lecturer on this topic of family life, specifically fatherhood. Several years ago, he wrote a wonderful book called: How a Man Prays for His Family. But in 1986, he wrote another challenging book called: For the Life of the Family. He quotes a Georgetown psychiatrist who says: “I’ve lived in four cities -- New York, Boston, San Francisco, and now Washington DC. There is more pressure on parents in Washington than in any other place I’ve been. There’s the pressure to please people at work, to meet deadlines, to obscure your real feelings about what you’re doing and to what uses it’s being put. Child neglect, therefore, is a key issue. It’s not that parents don’t care, but they are so busy going after their own goals…pursuing their own interests and leaving the children to form on their own.” And, how about this for a challenging fact, the average father spends 17 seconds a day in meaningful conversation with his children. And, if you’re still not awake this morning, let me give you some more eye opening news:
In a sense, we are in trouble when it comes to fathers today. A priest by the name of Robert Lewis specializes in ministry to men…and he tells of one man who said: “Every day I would step outside to go to school, and I’d say to myself…’I’m gonna get as far away from my father as I can,’ and I have. Today, I’m a millionaire and own hundreds of restaurants. I work 100-hour weeks, and now I know why…’I’m still trying to get away from my father!’ It’s amazing how our fathers can shape our lives. In fact, it led to one sociologist to say that “fatherless ness” is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation. It is the leading cause of declining child well-being in our society. It is also the engine driving our most urgent social problems, from crime to adolescent pregnancy to child sexual abuse to violence against women. We need Godly, Jesus-like fathers. Now, believe it or not, there are some profound solutions for godly fatherhood that can be drawn out of today’s Gospel. There are key points that, if followed, will change the way we parent. Now, you’re probably wondering how on earth I could glean something for fatherhood out of a Gospel parable centered on seeds. But, there is a rather direct link. Jesus is talking to the masses about seed planting, comparing it to the kingdom or the reign of God. Jesus says…the Kingdom of God is like a farmer who scatters seed on the ground…night and day that seed grows and sprouts even though he doesn’t know how!!!! All by itself it produces grain, and as it grows, he puts the sickle to it because the harvest has come! What we realize from this passage is that we are living in the meantime right now. We are living between the beginning where the seed has been planted and the end time where the final stage of the harvest will be accomplished. We are right in that middle stage, preparing for the harvest. As we apply this to our daily lives, it could be said you and I are the farmers, as Christians we are to scatter the seeds of the Gospel as the hands and feet of Christ. Yet, what we learn is that we can’t do the growing. We find here the utter helplessness of humanity. We can plant, but we can’t fully control the growth of that seed. Sounds a bit like parenting doesn’t it? Based on this parable, I am going to give several key backbones to fatherhood, and, yes, even “grand-fatherhood” and because we are now on our summer schedule, and we all have the beach on our minds, I’ll make it easy. These key points all begin with ‘P.’ The first ‘P’ is planter. Fathers must be planters for the faith. Remember, fathers, when your child was baptized? You were asked this question: ‘Will you be responsible for seeing that your child is brought up in the Christian faith and life?’ In other words, will you -- over and over -- plant the seeds of faith in your child? We plant by deciding that these children must be raised to love and honor their true father in heaven. To that end, everything we do is shaped around that goal in farming.
As fathers we are to plant and let Christ do the growing! But the second ‘P’ is as critical, and that is to be a protector. Part of my life was spent on a farm in North Dakota. I remember my uncle, after planting the seed, had to painstakingly protect the fields from all kinds of things -- foxes, weeds, too much rain, too little rain. While he couldn’t control growth, he also knew he could ensure its death through neglect. His role was to set the infrastructure for the seed. For our children, it is protecting them especially in our day and age from all kinds of things that can destroy that seed, from the horrors of internet chat rooms that can lead to personal encounters. Then there’s television and radio which requires protection. But it’s so much about being present in their lives so they trust you -- winning the right to be heard, winning the right to protect them in a way they don’t resent but respect. Planter, protector…and then…chief prioritizer. The farmer knows that when he plants, he only has a limited amount of time to nurture the seed, therefore lives with a different set of priorities in that brief window, prioritizing treatments like watering and fertilization. So it is with the parent. As I think of my daughter, Wimberly, who is now seven years old, I am acutely aware that her time in our pasture, in our house, is nearly half over! We have eight or nine more years of opportunity to nurture her in faith. Can you believe that? As father, in this window, my priority has to be how is she being shaped in Christ? Do our weekends reflect that priority of Christ? Because I believe just as there will be an eternal harvest, there will also be an earthly harvest. When, pray God, Wimberly, for instance, will bear amazing fruit of the Gospel with her own family as she raises her children to know the Christ! Jeff Conley in Men of Integrity was quoted recently as saying, ‘If I were hit and killed by a truck today, I’d be replaced at work tomorrow. But I’ll never be replaced at home. I’d be missed there forever.’ Stop giving your family the “leftovers” of yourself! If I am to raise a Godly family, my priorities must be:
And, only through that priority structure, will the seed grow in true health. If God is first, that relationship will affect every other relationship. You’ll have a more loving spouse. And, the old saying is true -- the best way to love your child is to love the living dickens out of your spouse. The best way I can love my children is to adore and love their mother! And, as that relationship is built, my relationship with my children is stabilized and further, it sets room for infinite growth for the seed! Planter… And, the final ‘P’ is that father is a pointer to Christ, by the way we lead our lives. How many times in my own fatherhood have I prayed with my children, only to say something later that day that I have regretted? Or, arguing with my spouse in front of them. Or doing something that I know pointed not to Christ. As fathers, here is the scary thing -- everything we do teaches. Everything we say teaches our children something. It teaches them something that will help or hinder their growth. Can we, as fathers, look at our lives and see ourselves as that pointer to Christ? Living life above reproach, living a prayer-filled life? This morning, I challenge all fathers to:
Or, how about this one:
But as a pointer to Christ, I would even add the importance of showing our vulnerabilities to our children so they know the power and presence of Christ in our lives! I know that as fathers we make mistakes. Yet, what is our essence? Our children can pick that up. They know what we are ultimately living for -- either for ourselves, or for Christ and their own development. I think again of my father -- a man of God, yet a man who made mistakes in balancing ministry with family life. But through those detours, I knew what his essence was. I knew the priority of his love for Christ and me. I knew who he was trying to point to, and this is so critical, here is the good news! As fathers we have to be about pointing to our heavenly father because we will fail, we will disappoint, and I am acutely aware that some of you might have had horrible abusive fathers. And, if we’re not careful, we end up carrying that baggage for the rest of our lives! Realize again, my friends, no matter how bad your earthly father was, you have an eternal father in Jesus Christ who loves, adores and wants to claim you. Do you know that???? The chief role of the earthly father is simply to point to the eternal. Don’t despair, your eternal father adores you. Father as planter, protector, prioritizer and pointer….who are you pointing to my friends? Finally this morning, the true story is told of a priest who had arranged a guest preacher at his church. The elderly preacher begins saying: “A father, his son, and a friend of his son are sailing off the pacific coast when a fast approaching storm blocks any attempt to get back to shore. The waves are so high, that even though the father is an experienced sailor, he can’t keep the boat upright. And, the three are swept into the ocean." Grabbing a rescue line, the father has to make the most excruciating decision of his life. To which boy he would throw the other end of the line? He has seconds to make the decision, but the father knows his son is a Christian, and he also knows that his son's friend is not. The agony of his decision couldn’t be matched by the torrent of waves. As the father yells out, 'I love you, son!', he throws the line to his son's friend. By the time he pulls the friend back to the capsized boat, his son had disappeared beyond the raging swells into the black of night. His body was never recovered." The elderly preacher continues from the pulpit. He says: “You see, the father, knew his son would step into eternity with Jesus, and he could not bear the thought of his son's friend stepping into an eternity without his eternal father. Therefore, he sacrifices his son.” Glancing down at his worn Bible, a big smile broadens the preacher’s narrow face, he looks up and says, ‘It sure isn't very realistic, is it?’” But I'm standing here today to tell you that that story gives me a glimpse of the our eternal father’s true love for each of us, and what it must have been like for him to give up his son for me. You see, it was I. I was the son's friend who was saved that day. My friends, this is a vision of our heavenly father and our job as earthly fathers is to be that pointer, that planter, protector, and that prioritizer in the vineyard of life. Let us pray. Oh Lord, you are our father who never disappoints. You know everything about us. We pray for all who have had difficult fathers, that there would be forgiveness and freedom granted. We pray for all fathers by name, for all earthly fathers today, may we in your name, be planters, protectors, prioritizers and pointers…so that at the great harvest, a generation would be raised up to love and serve you. Amen. |
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