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The Triangle of Marriage HELP US LORD TO BE SO CONNECTED TO YOU THAT WE MIGHT BECOME THE SERVANTS OF OTHERS. +++++++++++ NOT LONG AGO, NEW YORK TIMES COLUMNIST DAVID BROOKS WROTE SOMETHING THAT HAS BEEN CALLED THE MOST DISSONANT AND DISSIDENT HOW ABOUT THAT FOR A TEASER! WHAT DID BROOKS WRITE YOU ASK? PUT ON YOUR SEATBELTS FOR THIS ONE… IN THE NEW YORK TIMES, BROOKS WROTE: ANYBODY WHO HAS SEVERAL SEXUAL PARTNERS IN A YEAR IS COMMITTING SPIRITUAL SUICIDE…. HE OR SHE IS RIPPING THE VEIL FROM ALL THAT IS PRIVATE AND DELICATE IN ONESELF, AND PULVERIZING IT IN AN ASSEMBLY LINE OF SELFISH SENSATIONS…. THE NEW YORK TIMES. ++++++++++++ THE CHURCH FOR 2000 YEARS HAS TAUGHT THAT MARRIAGE IS AN EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A MALE AND A FEMALE… RADICAL TEACHING FOR TODAY’S CULTURE. IN FACT IT IS A TEACHING THAT HAS COME UNDER ATTACK WHICH SADLY HAS LED TO CONFUSION ABOUT THE VERY IDENTITY OF MARRIAGE, WHICH HAS LED TO GREAT CONFUSION AND DIVISION IN THE GLOBAL CHURCH ABOUT SEXUALITY IN GENERAL. I DON’T NEED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE GLOBAL DEBATES GOING ON OVER SEXUALITY, BUT WHILE THOSE DEBATES HAVE GONE ON, MARRIAGE, THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE HAS GONE INTO THE DITCH. EVERY PERSON IN THIS COUNTRY SHOULD BE OUTRAGED AT THE STATE OF MARRIAGE IN OUR CULTURE. WE SHOULD BE SCANDALIZED BY IT. CASE IN POINT… IN 1970, IT JUMPED TO 50%, IN 1974, THE NUMBER OF MARRIAGES THAT ENDED IN DIVORCE EXCEEDED FOR THE FIRST TIME THE NUMBER OF MARRIAGES THAT WERE ENDED BY THE DEATH OF A SPOUSE. TODAY THE DIVORCE RATE STANDS AT JUST OVER 50%, WHILE THE REMARRIAGE DIVORCE RATE.. THAT IS, IN MARRIAGES WHERE ONE HAS BEEN MARRIED BEFORE, THAT DIVORCE RATE IS JUST OVER 60%. WE ARE IN UPSIDE DOWN TIMES WHEN IT COMES TO MARRIAGE… AND WE DESPARATELY NEED A RETURN TO WHAT JESUS TAUGHT ABOUT MARRIAGE! IT’S WHAT OUR READINGS ARE ALL ABOUT THIS MORNING… ++++++++++++++++++ NOW YOU COULD ASK…THIS JESUS… HOW COULD HE AS A 30 YEAR OLD UNEMPLOYED JEWISH BACHELOR,
HOW COULD SUCH A MAN HAVE THE HUTZ-PAH TO SPEAK WITH SUCH AUTHORITY ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP HE NEVER EXPERIENCED? I’M TALKING HERE ABOUT THAT DAY THAT JESUS IS BOMBARDED WITH THE BLOCKBUSTER QUESTION BY THE PHARISEES… THE QUESTION THEY POSE IS THIS… IS IT LAWFUL FOR A MAN TO DIVORCE HIS WIFE? NOW, THIS QUESTION IS AKIN TO EVERY MAJOR ISSUE TODAY! YOU SEE, LIKE ISSUES OF SEXUALITY TODAY, THERE WAS JUST AS RAGING A DEBATE THEN ABOUT DIVORCE… THERE WERE MANY IN HIS DAY WHO WERE VERY CONFUSED ABOUT MARRIAGE. SOME OF THE PHARISEES REALLY DIDN’T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION. BUT NOTICE WHAT JESUS DOESN’T DO AS HE ANSWERS... JESUS DOESN’T GIVE HIS OPINION… HE DOES WHAT EVERY GOOD ANGLICAN SHOULD DO ON SUCH EMOTIONAL AND DIFFICULT ISSUES. JESUS REPLIES SAYING LOOK IN SCRIPTURE… WHAT DID MOSES SAY ABOUT IT? WHAT A GREAT LEARNING FOR YOU AND ME! WHEN FACED WITH A VERY DIFFICULT QUESTION, OUR RESPONSE SHOULD NOT BE OUR OWN OPINION NO MATTER HOW ENLIGHTENED… BUT TO DO WHAT JESUS DID FIRST… WHAT DO THE SCRIPTURES HAVE TO SAY? IF WE DON’T KNOW, WE FIND OUT! AND THE PHARISEES KNOW IT, THEY QUOTE DEUTERONOMY SAYING THAT MOSES PERMITS US TO DIVORCE. THE PHARISEES ARE SPEAKING OF DEUTERONOMY CHAPTER 24… WHERE MOSES ACTUALLY SAID… WHEN A MAN MARRIES A WIFE, IF HE FINDS SOME UNCLEANNESS IN HER… HE CAN WRITE A BILL OF DIVORCE. THE DEBATE RAGING AT THAT TIME WAS… HOW DO WE INTERPRET THE WORD UNCLEAN? THERE WERE 2 SCHOOLS OF THOUGHT, NOW HANG WITH ME HERE, THIS IS IMPORTANT… THE FIRST SCHOOL OF THOUGHT WAS THE SCHOOL OF SHAMMEI, IT SAID THE WORD UNCLEAN MEANS ADULTERY…YOU CAN DIVORCE ONLY ON THE GROUNDS OF ADULTERY.. BUT, THERE WAS ANOTHER SCHOOL THE SCHOOL OF HILL-EL.. WHO SAID THAT THE SCHOOL OF SHAMMAEI’S INTERPRETATION WAS WAY TO STRICT… WHAT MOSES MEANT WAS THAT YOU CAN DIVORCE YOUR WIFE FOR ANYTHING THAT IS DISPLEASING… AND HERE ARE SOME OF THOSE DISPLEASING THINGS…MEN IN THE CONGREGATION THIS
MEN DON’T GET ANY IDEAS! HUMAN NATURE BEING WHAT IT IS, THE MORE LENIENT VIEW BECAME THE MAJORITY VIEW… AND IT GOT SO BAD THAT MANY WOMEN OF THE DAY GOT SO ANGRY, THEY REFUSED MARRIAGE BECAUSE IT WAS TOO UNSTABLE! SO, HERE ARE THE PHARISEES… DYING TO KNOW WHICH CAMP JESUS WOULD FOLLOW. HOW DOES JESUS RESPOND? AGAIN, HE GOES BACK TO SCRIPTURE AND THIS TIME TO GENESIS… IN THE BEGINNING GOD MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, THEY ARE NO LONGER 2 BUT 1, WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER LET NO ONE PUT ASUNDER… END OF STORY, ALL GO HOME. NOW, IT MIGHT BE OKAY IF IT ALL ENDED THERE… BUT THEN, JESUS DELIVERS THE HUMDINGER SAYING… IF YOU GET DIRVORCED AND MARRY AGAIN, YOU ARE COMMITTING ADULTERY! SCHOLAR DAVID GARLAND WRITES THAT JESUS MAKES THIS EXTREME AND SWEEPING DECLARATION TO ARGUE THE PERMANENCE OF MARRIAGE, NOT TO ACCUSE PERSONS OF ADULTERY. THIS WIDE SWEEPING STATEMENT IS MEANT TO BRING HOME THE EXCLUSIVITY OF MARRIAGE! IN 3 WEEKS TIME, WE WILL WELCOME OUR ALL SAINTS’ DAY SPEAKER AMY-ORR-EWING WHO JUST WROTE A BOOK CALLED: IS THE BIBLE INTOLERANT. IN IT SHE SAYS WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A BLUE PRINT FOR HUMAN SEXUAL LOVE. BEING ONE FLESH MEANS BEING EXCLUSIVE AND FAITHFUL! NOW LET ME MAKE A DISCLAIMER… THE RESPONSE JESUS MAKES HERE, IS A RESPONSE NOT INTENDED FOR PEOPLE GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE… HE’S ALSO NOT TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO’S STRUGGLING IN A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP… HE’S TALKING TO A PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TAKE HIM DOWN! PEOPLE WHO ARE LOOKING TO TRAP HIM, IT’S WHY JESUS WOULD RESPOND SO HEAVY HANDEDLY. AND ISN’T IT INTERESTING THAT WHILE JESUS WOULD SOMETIMES ALLOW WHAT THE PHARISEES PROHIBIT, LIKE CERTAIN FOODS ETC… HERE JESUS IS PROHIBITING WHAT THE PHARISEES ALLOW! WHY? AND THIS IS IMPORTANT, LISTEN TO THIS… JESUS KNOWS THE HUMAN CONDITION BETTER THAN WE DO… HE KNEW THAT WHEN IT COMES RIGHT DOWN TO IT, DIVORCE REALLY DOESN’T EXIST… WHAT DO I MEAN? CHRISTIAN AUTHOR D-A WHITAKER IN HIS BOOK COUNSELING THE DIVORCING MARRIAGE, SAYS THE CRAZIEST THING ABOUT MARRIAGE IS THAT ONE CANNOT TRULY GET DIVORCED… SURE YOU CAN DIVIDE UP THE PROPERTY, DECIDE NOT TO LIVE TOGETHER, BUT DESPITE DOING ALL OF THIS… IT IS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GO BACK TO BEING TRULY SINGLE AGAIN… HERE’S WHY.. WHEN ANYONE GETS DIVORCED, IT IS LIKE LEAVING A PART OF THE SELF IN THE OTHER… LIKE THE RABBIT WHO ESCAPES A TRAP BY CHEWING ONE LEG OFF… SOMETHING OF YOURSELF IS LEFT BEHIND IN A DIVORCE… +++++++++++ ANOTHER IMAGE.… TWO PLANTS THAT HAVE GROWN TOGETHER IN THE SAME POT.. THEY’VE BEEN TOGETHER SO MANY YEARS THAT THEIR ROOTS HAVE BECOME INNERTWINED AND IT BECOMES MORE AND MORE DIFFICULT TO EVER SEPARATE THE TWO NEATLY OR COMPLETELY…. EVEN IF YOU CAN DO IT, THE PLANT HAS BECOME SHAPED BY THE PRESENCE OF THE OTHER IT HAS LIVED WITH… +++++++++++++++++++ ANOTHER IMAGE… MARRIAGE IS LIKE A STEW THAT HAS REVERSIBLE AND IRREVOCABLE CHARACTERISTICS THAT THE PARTS CANNOT BE RID OF. AND IN THAT STEW, ARE THE CHILDREN, THE RINGS, THE PHOTO ALBUMS… +++++++++++++ I GUESS THE REASON I’M SO PASSIONATE ABOUT MARRIAGE AND THE PREVENTION OF DIVORCE IS THAT I GREW UP LIVING MY PARENTS DIVORCE. FOR ME PERSONALLY MY FRIENDS, DIVORCE INVOLVES PAIN, AND SUFFERING… IT’S NOW BEEN 35 YEARS SINCE MY PARENTS DIVORCED, AND THERE IS STILL SUCH PAIN THAT EXISTS IN THAT RELATIONSHIP, LIKE A LIMB OUT OF ITS JOINT. I REMEMBER SEVERAL YEARS AFTER THEIR DIVORCE… IN FACT, IT WAS SEVERAL DAYS AFTER I BECAME A TEENAGER.. I WAS TOLD THAT I NOW HAD A RIGHT TO PICK WHICH PARENT I WANTED TO LIVE WITH… IT WAS THE HARDEST DECISION I EVER HAD TO MAKE IN MY LIFE, AND TO THIS DAY, DON’T KNOW IF IT WAS THE RIGHT ONE. I REMEMBER AS A CHILD LOOKING THROUGH OLD PHOTO-ALBUMS, PICTURES TAKEN BEFORE THE DIVORCE… ALBUMS THAT WERE ONCE OUT PROUDLY, NOW SHUNNED TO THE BACK OF A CLOSET… I USED TO PEER INTO THE DEPTHS OF THESE PICTURES AND PRETEND I WAS LIVING IN THAT WORLD… THAT WORLD BEFORE DIVORCE, WHEN IN MY MIND THINGS MUST HAVE BEEN PERFECT… LOOKING AT MY PARENTS HOLDING HANDS AND WANTING DESPARATELY TO BE INSERTED INTO THAT PICTURE IN REAL TIME AND CHANGE THE COURSE OF THE FUTURE… IT WAS THE DEEPEST YEARNING OF MY HEART AS A BOY… IS THERE REALLY SUCH A THING AS DIVORCE? +++++++++++++++++++ I KNOW THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE HERE THIS MORNING SOME MIGHT EVEN HAVE BEEN VICTIMS OF ABUSE, VICTIMS OF INFIDELITY… PLEASE UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING HERE, DIVORCE IS PAINFUL, AND YES, SOMETIMES PAINFULLY NECESSARY, I UNDERSTAND THAT. TO YOU I SAY THE LORD HAS SOMETHING IN STORE BEYOND YOUR GREATEST EXPECTATIONS. HEALING AND A NEW LIFE. +++++++++++++++++++ OTHERS OF YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN THOSE WHO COMMITTED THOSE SINS OF HAVING AN AFFAIR, BEING AN ABUSER… TO YOU I SAY, IT IS IN CHRIST WE CAN FIND FORGIVENESS, THROUGH CHRIST, WE FIND CHANGED BEHAHIOR AND FREEDOM FROM GUILT… ++++++++++++ YET OTHERS OF YOU ARE IN MARRIAGES THAT ARE STALE AND WHILE MARRIED, YOU FEEL AS IF YOU ARE DIVORCED.. +++++++++++++++ OTHERS OF YOU MIGHT BE SINGLE AND OH, DESPARATELY WISHING TO BE MARRIED… THE ONE THING WE ALL HAVE IN COMMON IS A DESIRE FOR A MARRIAGE THAT WILL ALLOW US TO LIVE INTO THE PLAN JESUS HAS FOR US! A HEALTHY MARRIAGE! THE QUESTION IS, HOW DO WE GET THERE? FROM THE MOUTH OF BABES, TIME FOR SOME HUMOR! ON VALENTINES DAY SEVERAL YEARS AGO, SOME CHILDREN WERE ASKED WHAT MAKES FOR A GOOD MARRIAGE… ++++++++++ ERIN AGE 8 SAID, DON’T EVER FORGET YOUR WIFE’S NAME, THAT WILL MESS UP THE LOVE… +++++++ DAVID, ALSO AGE 8 SAID…BE A GOOD KISSER, IT MIGHT MAKE YOUR WIFE FORGET YOU NEVER TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE! +++++++ 7 YEAR OLD NATALIE SAYS…YOU CAN’T LOVE SOMEONE AND THEN CHANGE YOUR MIND, LOVE ISN’T LIKE PICKING OUT WHAT MOVIE YOU WANT TO WATCH…. FINALLY, CHRISTINE AGE 9 GIVE THE ADVICE THAT WHEN YOU GO OUT TO EAT, COUPLES IN LOVE ALWAYS ORDER THE DESERTS THAT ARE ON FIRE. THEY LIKE TO ORDER THOSE BECAUSE IT’S JUST LIKE HOW THEIR HEARTS ARE…ON FIRE FOR EACH OTHER! MY FRIENDS, IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO THIS…. BEING EXCLUSIVE IN MARRIAGE INVOLVES SOMETHING I CALL THE MARITAL TRIANGLE… YOU HAVE IT ON YOUR SERMON RESOURCE SHEET… PICTURE YOURSELF ON ONE SIDE OF THE BOTTOM, YOUR SPOUSE ON THE OTHER… CHRIST AT THE TOP… THE TRIANGLE INDICATES THE CLOSER YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE ARE TO JESUS, THE CLOSER YOU WILL BE TO ONE ANOTHER! THAT IS THE REALITY OF EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT. IN FACT, IF YOU REMEMBER NOTHING ELSE FROM THIS SERMON, REMEMBER THAT… THE CLOSER YOU ARE TO CHRIST, THE CLOSER YOU ARE TO ONE ANOTHER… ++++++++++++ ON THE TRIANGLE, IF YOU ONLY HAVE THAT HORIZONTAL LINE ACROSS THE BOTTOM AND NOT THE VERTICAL LINE TO CHRIST.. OR IF YOU’RE SINGLE AND DON’T HAVE THAT VERTICAL LINE TO CHRIST PERIOD, IT NEEDS TO BE ESTABLISHED! BECAUSE WHAT MAKES US HOLE IS NOT THE PRESENCE OF OUR MATE, AS MUCH AS IT IS THE PRESENCE OF JESUS CHRIST. IT IS THAT PRESENCE OF JESUS FIRST THAT THEN HAS THE ABILITY TO MAKE RELATIONSHIPS WORK! IT IS THAT PRESENCE OF JESUS THAT HAS THE ABILITY TO DEFY DIVORCE! TO TAKE THE
YOU SEE, WE CANNOT DEPEND ON MARRIAGE, OR OUR PARTNER IN MARRIAGE TO COMPLETE US, WE ARE MADE COMPLETE BY OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS CHRIST.. ++++++++++ I REMEMBER THE DAYS BEFORE MY ORDINATION, AND LIBBY AND I WOULD WORSHIP IN THE PEWS TOGETHER, IT WAS A SWEET SWEET MOMENT, IN FACT OUR BEST DATE OF THE WEEK! AND I CAN TELL YOU, OUR DAY WAS NEVER THE SAME FOR HAVING ATTENDED WORSHIP… IN FACT, WHEN ELIZABETH AND I MET, WE BOTH FELT VERY UNCOMFORTABLE PRAYING OUT LOUD… BUT OVER TIME, WE STARTED SAYING THE LORD’S PRAYER TOGETHER… AND THEN WE STARTED ASKING WHAT WE COULD PRAY FOR FOR THE OTHER… BEING PRAYED FOR BY HER BROUGHT ME SO MUCH CLOSER TO HER AND TO CHRIST IT TRANSFORMED OUR MARRIAGE. I REMEMBER JUST LAST WEEK, I WAS HALF ASLEEEP IN BED, LIBBY CAME IN AFTER I DID, AND SHE JUST HELD MY HAND, AND IN MY GROGGINESS, I KNEW AND FELT SHE WAS PRAYING FOR ME… OH, THE CLOSER WE ARE TO CHRIST, THE CLOSER WE ARE TO EACH OTHER… THAT EXCLUSIVE 3 WAY CONVERSATION, ALLOWING NOTHING,
BUT MY FRIENDS, THE PITFALLS ARE MANY… INVARIABLY, WHEN I’M TALKING TO COUPLES ABOUT TO BE DIVORCED, THEY ARE OFTEN BOTH SLIDING DOWN THE TRIANGLE THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION… THE PARENTS OFTEN SAY, WE’VE DONE OUR JOB, NO NEED TO GO TO CHURCH ANYMORE, AND DOWN THEY GO. I ALSO HEAR FROM TIME TO TIME. LET’S TAKE THE SUMMER OFF FROM WORSHIP… AND WHAT HAPPENS IS THAT GRADUALLY THE RELATIONSHP BEGINS TO FROST, AS BOTH ARE FADING FROM THE RADIANCE AND WARMTH OF CHRIST… BUT THERE IS ANOTHER PITFALL, EQUALLY AS CHALLENGING… IT’S WHEN ONE SPOUSE IS GOING IN ONE DIRECTION, WHILE THE OTHER HEADED IN A DIFFERENT DIRECTION. I-E…WIFE ATTENDING EVERY WEEK, HUSBAND GOING GOLFING OR STAYING AT HOME… OR VICE-VERSA… IF YOU’RE NOT GOING IN THE SAME DIRECTION MY FRIENDS, YOU’RE BREAKING THAT EXCLUSIVE VOW YOU MADE TO CHRIST AND YOUR MARRIAGE WILL SUFFER, COUNT ON THAT. COUNT ON THAT. THIS DIRECTIONAL FRICTION IS KIND OF LIKE A CABLE BEING STRETCHED AND STRETCHED UNTIL IT REACHES AN EVENTUAL SNAPPING POINT. +++++++++++++++++++ IF YOU’RE HURTING TODAY, HURTING BECAUSE OR STILL STINGING FROM A RECENT DIVORCE, OR DEATH OF A SPOUSE.. OR IN A REALLY DIFFICULT MARRIAGE WITH NO LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL… OR ARE HUNGERING TO BE MARRIED… REMEMBER OUR PASSAGE FROM HEBREWS… BECAUSE JESUS SUFFERED, HE UNDERSANDS OUR SUFFERING! HE IS ABLE TO HELP YOU AND ME IN OUR SUFFERINGS BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN THERE, AND HE LOVES US. IN OUR DARKEST HOUR, THERE IS A HELPER WHO WILL HEAR OUR CRY… THAT HELPER IS THE CHRIST… HIS POWER OF FORGIVENESS IS AVAILABLE TO ALL, DIVORCED, SINGLE, WIDOWED OR MARRIED. IT’S THERE WAITING FOR YOU… I ASK YOU THIS MORNING, TO SURRENDER YOUR MARRIAGES, EVEN YOUR DIVORCE TO THE LORD. ASK HIM TO HEAL YOU, AND RESTORE YOU. +++++++++++++++++++ YOU MIGHT ASK, WHAT IS ALL SAINTS’ DOING FOR MARRIAGE? WHAT ARE SOME ACTION STEPS WE CAN TAKE FROM THIS GOSPEL READING. MY FRIENDS, WE ARE BUILDING OUR MARITAL MINISTRY ONE STONE AT A TIME. BEGINNING WITH OUR PRE-MARITAL MINISTRY, AND ON INTO THE RESOURCES DESCRIBED IN YOUR RESOURCE SHEET. THERE ALSO YOU WILL FIND HELPFUL BOOKS AND COUNSELORS AS WELL. +++++++++++++++++++ FINALLY THIS MORNING, TO BRING THIS ALL HOME… LET ME GIVE YOU A BIT OF A SECRET. I END THE MAJORITY OF ALL WEDDING SERMONS I PREACH, WITH THE SAME STORY…. THE SAME STORY BECAUSE THERE IS NO BETTER STORY TO DESCRIBE WHAT JESUS WANTS IN OUR MARRIAGES AND RELATIONSHIPS…. THEY ARE THE WORDS UTTERED AT THE WEDDING OF PRINCESS ELIZABETH BY THE THEN ANGLICAN ARCHBISHOP AT THE TIME, GEOFFREY FRANCIS FISHER.. HE SAID THESE PROFOUND WORDS: THE EVER-LIVING CHRIST IS NOT ONLY HERE TO BLESS YOU TODAY.. BUT HE WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT THE NEARER YOU ARE TO HIM, THE NEARER YOU WILL BE TO ONE ANOTHER.... SO I SAY, COME NOW, SAY THE CREED WITH CONFIDENCE, GO INTO LIFE WITH CONFIDENCE, KNOWING THAT IN YOUR MARRIAGES, IN OUR SINGLENESS YOU ARE NOT ALONE… BUT THAT JESUS CHRIST, IS WITH YOU EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. AMEN. |
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