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Producing Healthy Families, Part Two HELP US LORD TO BE SO CONNECTED TO YOU THAT WE MIGHT BE THE SERVANT OF OTHERS.. TAKE OUR LIPS AND SPEAK THROUGH THEM, ++++++++++++++++++ THE TRUE STORY IS TOLD OF A WELL-DRESSED COUPLE WHO CONFRONTS A SALES GIRL IN A TOY SHOP WITH A REQUEST FOR TOYS THAT WOULD KEEP THEIR CHILDREN ENTERTAINED… “MY HUSBAND AND I ARE BOTH EMPLOYED… SAYS THE MOTHER… AND THE CHILDREN ARE ALONE A GREAT DEAL… GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT WOULD HOLD THEIR ATTENTION…” SO, THE DUTIFUL SALES GIRL SHOWS THEM A VARIETY OF GAMES AND PLAY EQUIPMENT, BUT TO EACH THE MOTHER GIVES SOME OBJECTION… “IT SEEMS TO ME THE MOTHER FINALLY SAYS IMPATIENTLY… THAT IF YOU KNEW WHAT WE WERE LOOKING FOR, YOU COULD FIND IT AMONG ALL THESE TOYS.” THE SALES GIRL HESITATES, AND THEN SAYS QUIETLY… “I’M SORRY MADAM, I THINK THAT WHAT YOU ARE REALLY LOOKING FOR.. AND WHAT YOUR CHILDREN REALLY WANT… IS A MOTHER AND FATHER… AND THEN THE ZINGER… WE DON’T SELL THOSE HERE…” +++++++++++++++++ THIS MORNING WE ENTER INTO INSTALLMENT TWO OF OUR 3 WEEK PREACHING SERIES ON PRODUCING HEALTHY FAMILIES. LAST WEEK WE LOOKED AT MOTHERHOOD THROUGH THE EYES OF MARY, NEXT WEEK, WE WILL DO SUCH WITH JOSEPH AND THE CRITICAL NATURE OF FATHERHOOD… BUT TODAY, WE TURN OUR ATTENTION TO THE FAMILY AS A WHOLE…IN WHAT I’M CALLING… GETTING THE FAMILY IN FOCUS. NOW I KNOW THAT SOME OF YOU ARE SINGLE AND OR MARRIED AND HAVE NO CHILDREN… REGARDLESS, THIS SERIES IS FOR YOU, BECAUSE WE ARE ALL PART OF THE FAMILY OF GOD AND AS SUCH WE REALIZE IT TAKES AN ENTIRE CHURCH TO RAISE OUR FAMILIES. HOW ABOUT YOU OUT THERE WHO HAVE NO CHILDREN, YET TEACH OUR CHILDREN SUNDAY SCHOOL! THIS IS GOD’S FAMILY! HOW ABOUT UNCLES, AUNTS AND GODPARENTS HERE, YOU ALSO HAVE A JOB TO DO WITH YOUR CHILDREN! THE FACT IS, ALL OF US HAVE CHILDREN, THIS SERIES IS FOR ALL OF US. AS WE GET THE FAMILY INTO FOCUS, WE NEED TO REMEMBER WHERE THE FAMILY CAME FROM! IT WAS GOD’S IDEA TO PLACE A MAN AND WOMAN TOGETHER TO BEGIN THE FIRST FAMILY.. IT’S ACTUALLY BEEN SAID THAT IN ADAM, WE HAVE THE FIRST EVER CASE OF TAKE OUT RIBS… HORRIBLE JOKE… IT WAS GOD WHO TOLD THEM THAT THE NEXT FAMILY WOULD COME ABOUT BY A MAN AND WOMAN LEAVING THEIR PARENTS AND THE MAN CLEAVING TO HIS WIFE TO BECOME ONE FLESH… A FAMILY IS MEANT TO GLORIFY GOD… YET MANY HERE THIS MORNING MIGHT SAY JUST THE OPPOSITE, PERHAPS YOUR FAMILY LIFE GROWING UP WAS A NIGHTMARE… FOR OTHERS YOU MIGHT BE THINKING, OUR FAMILY LIFE IS SO OUT OF FOCUS, SO OUT OF CONTROL, WE’VE LOST OUR ANCHOR, OUR MOORINGS, WE’RE GOING IN A HUNDRED DIRECTIONS..! TO EACH OF US, OUR LORD JESUS IS SAYING… I HAVE A BETTER WAY, LET ME INTO YOUR FAMILY LIFE NOW, TOGETHER, LET’S BRING THIS THING INTO HEALTH AND FOCUS. ++++++++++++++++++ HERE WE GO.. IN 1986, JOHN YATES, THE RECTOR OF THE FALLS CHURCH IN VIRGINIA WROTE AN AMAZINGLY POWERFUL BOOK ON THE FAMILY, CALLED: FOR THE LIFE OF THE FAMILY IN IT HE TALKS OF THE CRITICAL NATURE OF ORDERING YOUR FAMILY LIFE IN SUCH A WAY THAT IT BEGINS TO LIVE FOR ITS CENTRAL PURPOSE AND MISSION. THE CENTRAL PURPOSE FOR YOUR FAMILY IS TO GLORIFY GOD. THE WAY WE GET OUR FAMILY LIFE INTO FOCUS COMES THROUGH 3 STEPS…
IN THAT ORDER… IF I WERE TO ASK YOU TO TURN THE DIAL AND FOCUS ON YOUR HOUSEHOLD, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY THE CURRENT ORDER OF YOUR FAMILY IS? WHAT WAS IT GROWING UP? FOR THOSE OF YOU WITH NO CHILDREN, ASK YOURSELVES, IS MY PROFESSION NUMBER ONE? WHEN IT SHOULD BE NUMBER 3 WE KNOW WE ARE OUT OF FOCUS WHEN THAT LIST IS UPSIDE DOWN… DR. ALFRED NASSOR, PROFESSOR AT THE EMORY SCHOOL OF MEDICINE WRITES THAT: AFTER THE FIRST CHILD COMES, A REAL TEST TAKES PLACE… WILL THE MOTHER ROB HER HUSBAND OF TIME AND LOVE FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILD OR WILL SHE CONTINUE TO PUT PRIORITY ON THE MARRIAGE? LISTEN TO THIS… MARRIAGE IS PERMANENT… PARENTHOOD IS PASSING… REMEMBER THAT MY FRIENDS… MARRIAGE IS PERMANENT… PARENTHOOD IS PASSING… SINCE MARRIAGE BEGINS AND ENDS WITH TWO, THE PRIMARY CONCERN IS TO KEEP THAT MARRIAGE IN THE BEST POSSIBLE REPAIR… THEN OUT OF THAT, THE CHILD RELATIONSHIP WILL TAKE CARE OF ITSELF. INDEED MY FRIENDS, THERE IS NO BETTER WAY OF PROVIDING FOR A CHILD’S HAPPINESS AND SENSE OF WORTH, THAN BY LOVING YOUR SPOUSE…. LISTEN TO THESE RADICAL WORDS: OOOH, I’M GOING TO HEAR IT FROM SOME OF YOU FOR SAYING THIS…BUT IT’S TRUE.. YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT MEANT TO BE THE CENTER OF YOUR FAMILY… THE CENTER BUILT ON THE ROCK OF JESUS CHRIST, IS HUSBAND AND WIFE… LET ME SAY THOSE FIGHTING WORDS AGAIN… THE CHILDREN ARE NOT MEANT TO BE THE CENTER OF YOUR FAMILY… IS HUSBAND AND WIFE…
THAT IS THE PURPOSE FOR THE FAMILY…THAT IS THE CENTRAL FOCUS FOR THE FAMILY LET’S BREAK THAT DOWN EVEN FURTHER… AND BRING INTO FOCUS THE VERY PURPOSE FOR HAVING CHIDLREN! IN OUR PRAYER BOOK, AND AT EVERY WEDDING SERVICE WITH BRIDE AND GROOM WE SAY… GIVE THEM, ACCORDING TO YOUR WILL, THE GIFT AND HERITAGE OF CHILDREN… WHY? THAT THEY WOULD BE BROUGHT UP TO :
OUR FOCUS AS PARENTS, GRAND AND GOD PARENTS, UNCLES AND AUNTS IS TO RAISE CHILDREN TO KNOW, LOVE AND SERVE THE LORD! IS THE FAMILY COMING INTO FOCUS YET? ARE YOU BEGINNING TO RECOVER WHAT IT MEANS TO BE FAMILY? YET MY FRIENDS, IF WE ARE NOT INTENTIONAL ABOUT THE WAY WE LIVE, WE WILL NEVER LIVE INTO THAT FOCUS… KIND OF LIKE A CHURCH THAT SAYS, WE WANT TO MAKE YOUTH A PRIORITY… LET’S FOCUS ON YOUTH… THE ONLY WAY TO KNOW IF THE CHURCH IS SUCCESSFUL IS TO LOOK AT 2 THINGS…
HOW DOES THE SCHEDULE REFLECT THAT PRIORITY.. AND I ASK IT ON EACH OF YOU… AS WE BRING THE FAMILY INTO FOCUS THROUGH LORD, MATE, CHILD… I ASK YOU… PARENTS ARE YOU TITHING? ARE YOU MAKING CHRIST SUCH A PRIORITY IN YOUR FAMILY LIFE THAT IT SHOWS IN YOUR POCKET BOOK? 10% GOING TO THE CHURCH.. ++++++++ SAME WITH YOUR MARRIAGE! DO YOU SPEND RESOURCES ON THE MARRIAGE? ON THE MAINTENANCE OF YOUR MARRIAGE? THERE IS AN ALL SAINTS’ MARITAL RETREAT APRIL 22… GO!!! DOES YOUR CALENDAR REFLECT A WEEKLY DATE NIGHT? +++++++++++ FOLLOWED BY THAT, WHAT ABOUT RESOURCES SPENT ON CHILDREN? AND PERHAPS MOST IMPORTANTLY… THE TIME YOU SPEND WITH THEM! IF I WERE TO LOOK INTO YOUR PALM PILOT WHAT WOULD I FIND…? JOHN YATES MAKES THE ANALOGY THIS WAY.. HE WRITES: CAN YOU IMAGINE WALKING UP TO AN AIRLINE TICKET COUNTER AND ASKING FOR A TICKET TO ANYWHERE? THAT’S RIDICULOUS, YET MANY OF US ARE GUILTY OF BUILDING OUR FAMILIES WITHOUT ANY PURPOSE! WE ARE TOO MUCH LIKE SAND DUNES ON THE BEACH, WHERE WE ARE FORMED BY THE WINDS RATHER THAN BY PURPOSE! WHAT DO YOU WANT YOUR HOME LIFE TO LOOK LIKE 10 YEARS FROM NOW? IF WE AIM AT NOTHING, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT WE WILL ACHIEVE. REMEMBER, FOCUSING ON THE FAMILY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO IN LIFE… REMEMBER, CHILDREN ARE THE ONLY EARTHLY POSSESSIONS WE CAN TAKE WITH US TO HEAVEN! ARE THEY PREPARED? SO, BASED ON THAT CHALLENGE, AND THE CHALLENGING WORDS OUT OF PAUL’S LETTER TO US OUT OF CORINTHIANS… I WANT TO GIVE YOU 6 KEYS THAT WILL HELP YOU KEEP YOUR FAMILY IN FOCUS… AND THEN, JUST TO KEEP YOU IN SUSPENSE, THE FINAL THREE NEXT WEEK. AND BECAUSE I LOVE ACRONYMNS, WE WILL USE THE WORD FAMILY, AS OUR GUIDE. ++++++++++++++++++ WHAT DO ALL HEALTHY FUNCTIONAL CHRIST CENTERED FAMILIES HAVE IN COMMON? NUMBER ONE: F, FOR FAITHFULNESS… PERSONAL FAITHFULNESS TO JESUS… BEGINNING AND ENDING YOUR DAY IN PRAYER, FAITHFULNESS… I LOVE HOW MOSES PUT IT IN DEUTERONOMY… HEAR O ISRAEL THE LORD IS ONE LORD.. YOU SHALL LOVE HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART, SOUL AND MIND… THESE WORDS I COMMAND YOU SHALL BE WRITTEN ON YOUR HEART.. AND YOU SHALL TEACH THEM TO YOUR CHILDREN
TEACH THESE THINGS TO YOUR CHILDREN, BE FAITHFUL! THOSE WORDS WRITTEN OVER 2500 YEARS AGO! EQUALLY AS ANCIENT, THOSE WORDS FROM SOLOMON IN PROVERBS 22: TRAIN UP A CHILD IN THE WAY HE SHOULD GO, AND WHEN HE IS OLD HE WILL NEVER DEPART FROM IT! FIRST PRIORITY, FAITHFULNESS TO YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER! LOVE THE LORD! DO YOU PRAY EACH NIGHT WITH YOUR CHILDREN? DO YOU WAKE UP IN PRAYER WITH THEM? ++++++++++++++++++ F=FAITHFULNESS TO THE GOSPEL… A…SIMPLY… APPRECIATING OTHERS IN THE FAMILY.. I MEAN GIVING THEM COMPLIMENTS! THIS SOUNDS SO SIMPLE, BUT HUSBANDS, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TOLD YOUR WIFE… I ADORE YOU, YOU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH… WIVES, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU LOOKED INTO THE EYES OF YOUR HUSBANDS AND SAID I LOVE YOU AND HAVE SO MUCH RESPECT FOR YOU..… SONS TO YOUR FATHERS… WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID…I ADMIRE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE… DAUGHTERS TO MOTHERS, I’M SO GRATEFUL FOR YOU…! BROTHER TO SISTER..I LOVE YOU! PAUL SAYS.. IF THE FOOT SHOULD SAY..BECAUSE I’M NOT A HAND, I DON’T BELONG TO THE BODY… THE BODY WOULD CEASE BEING THE BODY! UNDERSTANDING WHO WE ARE AS MEMBERS OF A FAMILY AND HOW WE MAKE UP THE WHOLE! HAVE YOU EVER WITNESSED A FAMILY MODELLING THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR? ++++++++++++++++++ F=FAITHFULNESS M…. MESSES… HOW DO WE DEAL WITH THE MESSES THAT COME OUR WAY? WHEN I TALK TO ENGAGED COUPLES, I ASK THEM… DO YOU THINK YOU WILL EVER HIT MAJOR SPEED BUMPS IN YOUR MARRIAGE…? THEY INEVITABLY ANSWER…NO, NOT US… THE FACT IS, THEY WILL AND WE DO! IT MAY NOT BE THINGS WE HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER! A LAYOFF AT WORK… DEATH IN THE FAMILY… OR EVEN MAKING DARE I SAY, A MISTAKE.. THE PRAYER BOOK SAYS: GIVE US GRACE WHEN WE HURT EACH OTHER… (NOT IF) TO RECOGNIZE AND ACKNOWLEDGE OUR FAULT… AND…AND… TO SEEK EACH OTHER’S FORGIVENESS AND YOURS GOD! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID SORRY TO YOUR SPOUSE? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID SORRY TO YOUR CHILDREN? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID SORRY TO GOD? IT MEANS ASKING FORGIVENESS IN THAT SAME ORDER!
STRONG FAMLIES WHEN THE WINDS ARE BLOWING… AND CRISES ARE ALL AROUND… HEALTHY FAMILIES GO BACK TO THAT ROCK.. THEY GET ON THEIR KNEES AND SUBMIT THEMSELVES TO CHRIST.. THEN AS HUSBANDS AND WIVES THEY MAKE SURE THEY ARE ON THE SAME PAGE… TO ACT AS ONE. IN 1979, EDITH SHAEFFER, THE WIFE OF THE NOTED CHRISTIAN PHILOSOPHER FRANCIS SHAEFFER, WROTE A BOOK CALLED…WHAT IS FAMILY… IN IT SHE WRITES SO BEAUTIFULLY THAT.. OUR EARTHLY FAMILY SHOULD BE THE ONES TO WHOM WE WANT TO
WHEN WE FEEL OVERWHELMED BY JOY OR FAILURE! AN EARTHLY FAMILY IS MEANT TO BE A SHELTER, A SOLID DEPENDABLE EAR THAT WILL HEAR AND UNDERSTAND, A FAMILY WHERE THE PARENTS MIGHT BE ABLE TO SAY… YOU KNOW THE WAY WE LOVE YOU… YOU CAN ALWAYS COME TO US IN ANY KIND OF TROUBLE. HERE YOU WILL FIND FORGIVENESS, UNDERSTANDING AND HELP… A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN RECEIVE ASURANCE OF LOVE IN THE MIDST OF FEAR AND JUST A CONSTANT PRESENCE OF ONE HOLDING YOUR HANDS… PAUL AGAIN REMINDS US… IF ONE PART SUFFERS, EVERY PART SUFFERS WITH IT… IF ONE PART IS HONORED, EVERY PART REJOICES WITH IT! MEANING WHEN ONE IS HURTING, WE ALL HURT! WHO EVER HEARD OF GETTING A PAIN IN THE FINGER AND PROCLAIMING… MY FINGER HAS A HURT…NO, WE SAY…I HURT.. THERE IS AN I THAT GIVES UNITY TO THE BODY.. WHAT THE I IS, CHRIST IS TO THE FAMILY! I HAVE A SISTER, REBECCA ESCALERA WHO LIVES NEAR SAN FRANCISCO EXPECTING TWINS.. SHE CALLED HERE LAST WEEKEND TALKING ABOUT HER OWN EXHAUSTION AND COMPLETE DISCOMFORT BECAUSE OF THE PREGNANCY.. WHEN SHE SAID THAT, I FELT SOMETHING IN HERE…WE ARE ON DIFFERENT COASTS, BUT WE ARE ONE BODY AS A FAMILY, EVEN THOUGH SHE’S 37 AND I’M 39! FATHERS AND MOTHERS, WHEN YOU GO THROUGH A CRISIS, WHO DO YOU DEPEND ON TO GET THROUGH IT?
KEEPING THAT FOCUS BY… F=FAITHFULNESS THE NEXT 3 STEPS COME NEXT WEEK, USING JOSEPH AS OUR GUIDE. BUT LIKE LAST WEEK, LET ME GIVE YOU SOME HOMEWORK. LAST WEEK, AND BECAUSE WE WERE TALKING ABOUT MARY AS A MODEL FOR MOTHERHOOD, I ASKED EACH OF YOU TO WRITE A LETTER TO YOUR MOTHER, LIVING OR DECEASED, TO TELL THEM HOW THEY MODELED EVEN IF IN JUST ONE WAY, THE LIFE OF MARY. THIS WEEK, I WANT YOU TO BRING YOUR FAMILY IN FOCUS THROUGH A FAMLY FOCUS NIGHT. SOMEONE ONCE SAID THAT THE FAMILY UNIT IS LIKE A DOOR WITH HINGES…AND A LOCK… THE DOOR SHOULD HAVE WELL OILED HINGES TO HELP IT SWING WIDE OPEN… BUT ALSO A LOCK FIRM ENOUGH TO KEEP IT SHUT NOW AND THEN. SO IT IS WITH OUR FAMILIES… THERE NEEDS TO BE THOSE TIMES WHEN THE DOOR SHUTS BEHIND US.. WE AS FAMLIES COMING TO EACH OTHER FACE TO FACE… NOTHING REQUIRING BATTERY OR ELECTRIC POWER ALLOWED… NO PHONES, BLACKBERRY’S BETWEEN NOW AND SUNDAY..PLAN A FAMILY FUN NIGHT! FOR THOSE OF YOU WITH NO CHLDREN, I’M CALLING FOR A DATE NIGHT WITH YOUR SPOUSE… FOR THOSE OF YOU UNMARRIED, CALL A FRIEND FROM THIS, YOUR SPIRITUAL FAMILY AND ARRANGE A TIME TO GET TOGETHER… IN THE BACK OF THE CHURCH, I HAVE PRINTED OFF A SERIES OF DIFFERENT IDEAS, SOME OF WHICH WILL APPLY TO YOU AND OTHERS WON’T. TAKE IT HOME, READ THROUGH IT AND USE IT AS A DIVING BOARD INTO ONE NIGHT WHERE YOU ARE COMPLETELY KEEPING THE FAMILY IN FOCUS. LET ME END THIS MORNING WITH A BRIEF BUT CONVICTING STORY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE GET THE FAMLY STRUCTURE OUT OF FOCUS… A GIRL NAMED ANNA GREW UP IN A FAMILY THAT NEVER ATTENDED CHURCH… WHEN THEY GATHERED AROUND THE TABLE FOR MEALS, THEY NEVER SAID THE BLESSING. ONE TIME, HER UNCLE CAME TO SPEND A FEW WEEKS WITH THEM, AND DURING HIS STAY, HE ASKED IF HE COULD SAY THE BLESSING AT MEALTIME… THE PARENTS CAUTIOUSLY OBLIGED… THE MORNING AFTER HE LEFT THEM, THE FAMILY GATHERED AROUND THE TABLE AND WERE ABOUT TO START BREAKFAST WHEN LITTLE ANNA, WHO SAT NEXT TO HER FATHER… LOOKED UP TO HIM AND WHISPERED…. DADDY… IS THERE NO GOD TODAY? IT WAS A QUESTION THAT WENT RIGHT TO HIS HEART. LET US PRAY… |
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